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Posts:
5
Registered:
11/21/08
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Feb 26, 2009 8:14 AM
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Wow there are sooo many things wrong with this situation. I can see why no one has responded to this forum yet since there are soooo many things to address. I'll try to make my "advice" short and sweet. Have you realized that this 2-bedroom apt that you and your husband live in is YOURS TOO!. Um.. I do believe you carry some weight in making any decisions as to who the heck moves in with you!!!!!!!! & If your husband has a problem with that, hunny I say get out NOW! 2. Seems to me that you have 2 choices. The first being either stay with this sissy of a man you are calling your husband, who isn't capable in telling his family your word as his wife and mother of his children is more important than their ideas or "ADVISE". Again you can stay and SUCK IT UP for the next 18 years, stop complaining and live with the decisions you've made in marrying a man like you married, **becuase you know what kind of mommas boy he was before you married him (& don't say you didn't because you DID). or SECOND: leave... Pack up your stuff, file for divorce, tell his mom and dad you can't live in a family with a husband who has no spine and a meddling in-law driven life where you have no say in any decisions about YOUUUUURRRR KID & leave. Walk out the door & deal with the consequences and/or blessing that come with that decision.
You have to make the choice & I'd say sooner than later, becuase hunny letting them move it with you, when you are at your ropes end like you sound like already AIN'T GONNA HELP & It just might drive you to kill somebody or to drinking/drugs  ~
so, in all seriousness you gotta figure it out & soon!
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Posts:
10
Registered:
8/12/07
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Jun 26, 2008 1:13 PM
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So since my previous posts about this topic are gone I'll have to share a bit of past history. My husband and I had to live with his parents for about a year, from the time our daughter was 2 months old, through our wedding, until she was about 14 months old. They helped us out a lot, true, but there was a lot of problems as well. One of his sisters was the cause of many problems, trying to ruin our wedding and break us up. His mother, while trying to be helpful, pretty much is responsible for me changing every plan I'd had for our wedding - she'd say it's just "advice" but then I'd get the "well that's the way things are done in OUR family", etc. and our wedding ended up costing about 1000 more than we'd intended, however they ended up paying for most of it so I couldn't complain. I guess that's why I let her get her way, I was just sick of fighting for what I wanted. Well as I said we were living with them at the time too and when it came to parenting we had some clashes. I know grandparents have certain spoiling rights but when the grandchild LIVES with you there has to be a limit!! She'd give our daughter a treat or ice cream if she refused to eat her supper - so it go to the point where she wouldn't eat her meals at all cuz she knew Gramma would give her something else! Or she'd let Alexis eat sitting on her lap and then I couldn't get her to eat in her high chair. And they'd question some of the toys I let her play with, taking away one of her favourite ones making her cry - yet it was not dangerous at all and my MIL gave her a pen with maribou feathers on the end of it to play with!! At the age of like 6 months old! Yet they were concerned about a flat plastic toy poking her eye out - but not a sharp pointy pen?? So there were constant issues like this. To the most part they helped us with a lot of stuff, and we were never outright criticized but I got sick of the "well this is how I did it". I ended up giving my daughter pablum 3 months earlier than I'd intended because I was constantly being nagged about it that it wouldn't hurt her, then got a big lecture from my doctor about it. I also was being nagged because she breastfed her children until 6 months old then switched them straight to sippy cups. And they never had homo milk either, she put them straight on 2%. Well we just got our daughter off bottles at about 15 months... which is a bit longer than I'd wanted to do it for, but her constant nagging about it made me want to rebel. The more she told Alexis she didn't need a baba, the more I found myself giving them to her anyways. I just needed to feel I had some control over raising my own daughter.
Well we finally managed to get out. My mother, who lived in NS (we were in ON with his parents) got wind of a job out here, found us a place and got us started. The job didn't pan out but my husband found one pretty quickly and things have been going pretty good. We were fighting less. His mother however was literally moping she was so distraught over our moving, mostly because she missed our daughter. She has two other grandchildren who are older, teens now, and are at that age that they don't want to spend time with their grandparents or even their parents anymore. She came out to visit for two weeks (which felt like forever) and right away after leaving she was whining again about how much she missed Alexis. It's understandable she missed her, but she made it seem like it was the end of the world and that Alexis would forget her. Well my Mom has always lived in another province from HER grandchildren and even when she visits only once a year or once every two years they still remember her and love her!! While down my MIL started talking about moving out here. Well coming out here was my way of escaping their hold on us. I also forgot to mention that when around them alot my husband forgets he's an adult with his own life now and constantly defers to them in all decisions. Also we are expected to spend every single holiday with them (my husband gives in) and a lot of the time he shares things with them that he hasn't told me!! They found out they couldn't get out of their mortgage and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew they'd move out here eventually but I wanted some time for us to be our own family - and maybe to work on our marriage which has gone steadily downhill since he started talking to his parents again (they weren't talking for about 2 years when we first got together, then reunited when I got pregnant). Well that's not going to happen. My MIL has decided she wants to be a part of our daughter's life during her formative years because she was there for the other two grandchildren and they are renting their house out to their daughter (the one who's tried to break us up since we got together) and moving in with us until they can find a house to rent! They've dropped everything to come out here, my FIL got a new job already, my MIL is packing up the house. And they'll be staying in our cramped 2-bedroom apartment until they find a place!! With their 3 pets - when we already have 2 cats!! And they expect us to do the legwork for them - we've already been looking for places for them and doing all sorts of other stuff for them on our end. Sure they helped us out a lot and we don't mind returning the favour - but I don't understand (neither does my mother or any of my friends) why they have to move out here?? I know it's going to be the end of my marriage. We never even got the chance, we haven't even been married a year yet!! They put so much pressure on him and cling to him. I have yet to see another family that clings to their adult children as much as they do!! I'm sorry for the long rant, but I'm at my wit's end. Soon our house and our lives will be overtaken. It wouldn't be so bad if they were like my family or other families I know - but I know they will be a constant part of our lives. We'd already made plans for Christmas - have our own small family Christmas together then just my parents over for dinner. My Mother isn't usually around for Christmas and hasn't got to share many with us since she moved out of province - and none at all with my daughter - and now it'll be ruined for her because my husband will automatically just go to his parents because that's what they want - never mind what we want. He says now that he won't, we'll keep our plans the way they were but he's said that before when we lived there and ended up giving in to them. There's been times we've had plans to do something as a family and his father wanted to go golfing and my husband won't even tell him that sorry we had plans already and just drop everything and go with him!! And they golfed almost every weekend anyways!!! I'm just so heartbroken - I"m sure they don't realize what they're doing to us or intend to do it - but they are going to be the end of this relationship and marriage because my husband just can't stand up to them. And it's obvious that they are more important to him than me and our daughter.
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